Thursday, February 9, 2012

filling in the cracks: today's run

I am an internalizer.  I am not sure why, but I have an issue with showing emotion.  Specifically crying.  There are even times I WANT to cry, I need to express emotion but I just can't.

When life gets overwhelming for whatever reason, and let me tell you three kids, a job and a busy life are enough reason to feel overwhelmed, I feel it on the inside.  Inside, I can be a wreck, while holding it together on the outside.

But sometimes, the inside is crumbling and the outside starts to crack too.  I crack from the inside out.

In times like these, all I can think about is when I can spend time with God and when I can sweat. I crave miles.  I crave intense cardio.  I need the endorphins, to get in touch with the muscle fibers, to let my sweat be my tears.

Today was one of those days.  I NEEDED a run.  I need to repair the cracks.

What a great day to need a run!  It was 80 degrees and I had my little girls and nothing on the agenda.  I made a few sandwiches, defrosted the bread butts I had saved in the freezer and loaded up the double jogger.  We headed to the lake for a run and to feed the ducks.  Happy things for all of us!

I don't run all the time with the jogger these days.  My kids are growing, I realized once again today, while pushing that beast.  My BOB Revolution Duallie is one of my most treasured possessions.  Honestly, it is.  It pushes so much better than almost all double strollers out there.

But with a 3 and almost 5 year old, weighing in together at almost 80lbs---pushing that thing isn't so easy. All the better for filling in the cracks though!

Not only was the sun beating down and the stroller heavy, but the girls were so chatty!  And when I'm huffing and puffing trying to push them, figuring out what they are saying is challenging.  Mostly it's Lily asking silly questions and making funny statements.

A little after 2 miles we took a little walk break, during which Lily fell and scraped her elbow and forehead a minute in.  On the way back I finally played music from my iPhone speaker to signal to the kids I couldn't talk!  So they talked to each other instead.

4.5 miles took me about 52 minutes.  My mile paces were mostly under 11:00 minutes except for the walk break.  But I wasn't trying to be fast.  I just needed to run and sweat.

My kids won't touch me when I'm sweaty, yet she insists on wearing my sweaty visor.

The run did it's job.  The cracks filled in a bit.  I can still see the cracks a bit, but they aren't as gaping.  And I had fun with my girls.

I kinda felt sorry for him, but he had an attitude for sure.
We fed the ducks and while we were feeding them, this big ole goose with some sort of malformation on his head, came from around the corner and straight for us.  He was on a mission.  I don't know what for, but we didn't scare him at all.  The girls were not happy about him! We had to walk quickly to get away from him and it took a few minutes for him to forget about us.

All in all, a great run.  Maybe I'll do it again tomorrow.